If You Love Me, Let Me Breathe

I love black women. I am unapologetic about it. I love our swag. Our smiles are the sunlight that greets the new horizon at dawn and the stars sprinkled across the velvet night sky. I unrelentingly, unflinchingly, unabashedly cape for us. I advocate for our voices to be heard and our stories valued – no matter what our stories are and who doesn’t believe they deserve to be given light and air. We deserve spaces where we can be honest with ourselves and one another. We deserve soft places to land and hands to hold and guide us on this arduous journey called life. We need spaces and room to release and wade in the deep waters of vulnerability, with other black women there to hold us up and refuse to let us drown. We need to be able to hold and be held accountable to ourselves and one another and to tell and be told the truth in love. In a world that doesn’t love us, that doesn’t want us to love ourselves, we have to take on the responsibility of creating and curating spaces to love one another; they are as essential to our thriving as air.

I believe that the need to see black women creating, curating and opening space for other black women’s voices to be heard, for them to take deep breaths of safe air, and exhale life-giving truth, was what drew me to the latest episode of Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talks eries on Facebook Watch. In this week’s episode of the web series, Jada sits down with curvy model Jordyn Woods. Jada describes Jordyn as a member of her extended family, as her father was a sound engineer on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air when Will starred on the show. I don’t follow pop culture gossip that closely, so I had no idea why Jada was interviewing Jordyn, but quickly found out that Jordyn had been accused of having an inappropriate physical tryst with Tristian Thompson during a house party last month. For those unfamiliar, Tristian is an NBA “star” and father of Khloe Kardashian’s daughter Truth.

According to Jordyn she went to Tristian’s house with a group of girlfriends for a house party after leaving a bar earlier that evening. Someone reported that Jordyn was making out with Tristan or giving him a lap dance during the party. Jordyn categorically denies that anything of that nature happened, but admitted to staying at the house, in the common area with everyone else who had come for the party, until about 7 a.m. the following morning. Jordyn says that on her way out of the house Tristan kissed her on the lips. She was shocked. She was drunk. She didn’t know what to think. The thing that complicates the situation is that Jordyn, who is 21 years old, is good friends with Khloe’s younger sister Kylie. Tristan and Khloe have a history. He has been openly and notoriously unfaithful to Khloe, even cheating on her while she was pregnant. Yet, Khloe, cheered on by a chorus of faithful social media followers, has been dragging Jordyn through the mud, blaming her for “ruining” her family.

I share these details, as shared by Jordyn, only as context. However, what I found interesting about this particular conversation, was the turn it took toward the end. Jordyn talked about being a black woman and not being believed. She talked about being a black woman and not having any space, any opportunity to tell her truth. Jada responded by saying that she understood, and that as black women sometimes all we want is the benefit of the doubt, and it’s rarely extended to us.

In a world where we have an orange-hued con man running and ruining our country, where children are dying of starvation in this nation and other parts of the world, where LGBTQ folks cannot have their call to ministry affirmed by the denominations in which they have faithfully served, we have more serious factual issues to confront than whether a millionaire ball player’s lack of self-control led to his further damaging an already damaged relationship, splintering a friendship along the way. The power of this story is not in the names of the people involved, their status or even the events that gave rise to it.

What is most powerful about this Red Table Talk is the example that Jada set for black women. We can argue all day about whether this was a publicity stunt, a way to paint her a victim or a way for one woman to exploit the pain for a few other women. We could, but that would miss the point. In a world where black women’s voices are muted, where our cries are drowned out by blame and shame, where we are pushed to the point of falling and given concrete mattresses instead of featherbeds, where our tears are dismissed while those of our lighter hued sisters are bottled up as sacred, Jada showed us how to create soft places to land. There was accountability. There was soft rebuke. But there were open arms and a sister telling another sister, I hear you and I believe you. I see you and your voice matters. I will not let you walk this mile alone.

Jordyn and Jada reminded me today that love is an action word. Love is open arms, making space for tears, letting you inhale peace and exhale truth. Love is soft rebuke and accountability. Love is holding your hand and walking with you. Love is me using my power and my platform to give your truth space to breathe without judgment. Love is lifting up and listening to your voice above the noise of a world that says you don’t matter. Love is doing it all unapologetically unrelentingly, unflinchingly, unabashedly. I love black women. And I am thankful for the black women who love me. I am thankful for the black women who have let me breathe.

#BlackWomen #SelfLove #Sisterhood #BlackVoices #RedTableTalk #JadaPinkettSmith #OurTruth

#BelieveBlackWomen #BlackWomenSelfCare

Jordyn Wood and Jada Pinkett Smith at the red table.